When I was younger, around 10 or so, my best friend/worst enemy/next door neighbor and I were walking home from school one afternoon. She was walking in front of me, kicking dirt on me, talking down to me, ridiculing me because I was a year younger than her (my chubbiness, big pink-framed glasses, and bad perm didn't help the situation, either), hurling abuse at me as per usual, and all of a sudden she says to me, "We all know what 'pop a hard on' means. Do you?" I guess "we" referred to her and all her cool/lame friends. Either that or she was using the royal first-person plural. HA! Queen my ass!
Of course, I had no idea what she was talking about, but I pretended like I did. After all, I didn't want to seem uncool, especially around someone who was a whole year older than me. So I said, "Yeah, I know what it means!" and she just laughed. She knew I was a dumbass.
The funny thing was that I didn't quite hear what she said and not understanding the meaning of hard on at the time, I thought she said, "pop a HEART on." Afterwards, in an effort to solve the mystery I had encountered during that puzzling exchange, my head was filled with visions of hearts popping up, like they were spring-loaded or something. I knew it had to do with sex and possibly penises, but it wasn't until much later that I figured it all out, to my surprise and great relief.
So, whenever Valentine's Day rolls around, I am reminded of that day so many years ago. With all the heart imagery that keeps popping up on February 14, how could I not be reminded?
And that is what Valentine's Day means to me: hard boners with hearts on them, springing out of nowhere! SPROING!
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, MOTHERFUCKERS!
Wishing you much love and big "hearty" boners not just today but every day,